My new buddy.

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This is Stetson.

Yellow Rose.

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote anything. Every thing is about the same, just working my ass off and trying to have a little fun on the weekends too. Still single, went on a date a few months back but were just friends. I’m starting to learn to dance again and love it, wish I had more chances to do it but it’s not easy when your all by yourself. I love music so much, it’s a way to express yourself and relaxing too. I want to get more into singing but not sure if I should, I love singing at church but have kind of fallen off the wagon at church the last 4 weeks. I am not the kind of person to hold things in for very long, I like expressing how I feel and if that gets me into trouble, well, so be it. I kind of miss not blogging about what’s going on in my life, I know most people don’t read this far, so if I still have you; THANKS! I have a good group of friends, most of the only on facebook because I can be a loner at times. If you take the time to get to know me, you’ll see I can be a very good friends and even make you laugh (and cry) at times.

I miss living in the country, I loved working on the farm and just being outside. I love to find someone who loves the same things, just being together and enjoying what life brings. I had it once when I was real young and then she left me and life hasn’t been the same. I’m not going to give up on finding my Yellow Rose, I know your out there. This cowboy is waiting, but unlike Johnny in this video, I’m not a drifter any more. I’ve seen my Yellow Rose but I don’t know if she knows how I feel or even if she cares but still, I’m going to give it a try and see where this ride takes me.

You are loved!

This past week we had a young lady take her own life by jumping off a bridge in Iowa City onto Interstate 80 on Tuesday morning, where she was hit by a semitrailer and killed. I know what it’s like to feel so overwhelmed that you just can’t see any hope for living. Yes, I have been to that point in my life where I wanted to end it all. I felt so alone, no hope for tomorrow but that was before I found the love of Jesus Christ and my local church. I didn’t know this young beautiful lady at all but her death touched me in a way that I can’t express! That night, I just keep saying, “she didn’t have to do this” and how sad I was for her family, friends, the driver of the semi and the first responder and Law enforcement officers.

As I was on my way to church this morning, I felt God calling me to step up and talk to our congregation about what I was feeling. When we are feeling depressed, sad or what ever, we can’t go it alone and covering it up doesn’t help. I you think the person you care for knows how much you care for them, don’t just think they know! Tell them, show them ever day how much you love them no matter how bad they feel. If your dealing with depression and can talk about it, DO IT! Let’s not hide it any more, show others who are facing the same thing that they too are not alone and can come to you if they want too. Life is so wonderful, and Jesus died on the cross to give us new life and no matter what you have done or what your going through, his family of believers love you and you can trust them.

I know this is my calling to help others dealing with depression and showing them the love that Jesus Christ offers us. I am so thankful that the good Lord gave me new life and new hope so I can try to touch life’s that are hurting. Just hearing people thanks me for sharing my thoughts and experiences is nice, I hope they can take from it that it’s OK to let people see who they really are, and that’s a child of God who loves us so much that He sent his only son to die for us.

Your not alone and if you think that ending your life is all you have left, please don’t! Let me know, I will do every thing I can for you. You are loved more than you know and better days are ahead.

God bless.

Alone

Just feeling kind of down and missing my dog! I hate being alone but it’s all I know any more. My heart hurts, I want to be able to love again and think I’m not good enough. I try so hard to keep my head up but sometimes I wonder if anyone even cares. I know I have a great group of friends but it’s not the same as having someone you love with all of your heart. I don’t know if she will ever find me, maybe I should just forget about being loved. Oh, I know I can’t stop looking for love, but wish it wasn’t so hard. Think I’ll just spend some time with God and pray that he can help me.

RIP Toby! You will be missed.

About 2 weeks ago, I had to do what I didn’t want to do! I had to put Toby to sleep, it was the hardest thing I have ever done but I know Toby isn’t in any pain now. He couldn’t use his back feet at all and was in so much pain. I can’t express how much Toby meant to me, his love and companionship made life bearable. I am doing ok, well it’s not easy but I know Toby wants me to be happy and life without him now is very different. I hate being alone and my cat, Pretty Kitty is loving me up but I know she misses him too.

I want to fall in love again!!! I just hate trying to date and all the games that go alone with that. I know I am worth it even with all the “baggage” I bring. I am praying that God will bring a loving woman into my life who can see the real me and let me take down the walls I have up. Life is not meant to be lived alone and now that Toby is gone, I feel more alone that I ever have and I don’t like it. I sometimes keep things to myself and I have gone too long without expressing how I am feeling. I have nothing to hide and what ever I say is how I am feeling at the time and I don’t care who knows it or what they may think about me. I’m going to say it and just let God have the control as to who will come into my life and love me for who I am.

I have a kind heart and it hurt me very much to put Toby to sleep but I know I have so much love to offer someone. If she takes the time to get to know me, she will see it, I just know better days are ahead. I owe to Toby to give it my best and to keep fighting for what I want.